My deepest thanks to my favorite toddler wrangler for giving me some excellent tips this week. She may have retired for the next few baby-making years, but Miss Kim is my go-to gal for advice on my terrorist... I mean toddler.
He just had his second birthday and got a multitude of toy sets with a million pieces each. When sitting in the middle of his hurricane wondering how on Earth I was going to organize it all on a zero-dollar budget, Miss Kim suggested that I use my clear shoe containers (I have a million of them) to group and organize each set in an easy-to-stack, easy-to-view way. Brilliant! Now, it is much easier for him to choose what he would like to play with and for him to know where to put things away when I'm choosing my battles to win the war.
Today, I told Miss Kim about his temper tantrums. I'm sure every other mother of a young two year old thinks the same as I do, but - man - his fits are horrible! He even sniffs of the possibility that he isn't going to get his way and the screaming starts. I don't know what exactly has possessed my happy little baby over the past couple of weeks, but this little demon can't be stopped once he gets going.
Miss Kim explained about the ABCs of temper taming. A is the antecedent or what sets him off (aka not getting his way). B is the behavior or his reaction (aka the screaming and kicking fit). C is the consequence or how I will react. That's the kicker. The million dollar question. What do I do??
First, I need to reign in my own temper. Hey, he gets his somewhere, and it is not all from his father. After taking a deep breath and taking stock of my ABCs, I have decided to set aside a "Time Out" station for him to sit at until he is finished crying. I explain to him calmly that he isn't to move until he is finished crying, then I ignore him.
If he decides he wants to move before he is finished crying, I stand above him and force him to stay until he is finished. Talk about a battle of wills! Sometimes it becomes a true standoff, but I try to win the majority of the time. Eventually, I'm hoping that he gets the whole concept of time out and tries to avoid it as much as possible.
Miss Kim also suggested an egg timer to give him a concrete end goal. "When the timer dings, you may get up." Anything to help him realize that his behavior isn't going to get him the reaction he wants. Maybe the egg timer is really for me...
Once again, BRILLIANT, Miss Kim! Thank you.
Showing posts with label Ask Miss Kim. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ask Miss Kim. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
Different is Different, Not Worse
These are words I have found myself repeating as a calming mantra as I expose myself more and more to people with different parenting styles. I suppose you could say that I am an "It takes a village to raise a child" type parent, but - with a type-A personality in full force - I need the village to agree with my parenting decisions and jump on board with my style... not theirs.
Blessed with a big mouth and a small enough filter where my boca grande gets me into trouble, I have found myself breaking my own cardinal rules about overstepping boundaries. I'm that ever so annoying parent that doesn't want a shred of advice about how you would do it but wants to tell you how it is and how it should be done. Now, before you close this post with a vow to never read my rantings again, understand that I KNOW this is wrong and am working on righting it.
The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, so I have vowed to be more aware of my annoying habits and correct them before they happen. No more correcting other people's children (unless they are about to get physically maimed) and no more expressing opinions when they aren't asked to be shared. (I'm learning the hard way that it is true what they say about opinions: they are like a-holes, everyone has one but no one wants to hear from yours!). I'm going to be a big girl and let every parent make their own mistakes with the expectation that they will let me make mine.
That being said (and here's the fun part!), I'm going to throw out a phrase my cousin often says (the one that has taught toddlers for 7 years and has all kinds of degrees and letters behind her name to back it up - I'll call her Miss Kim from now on), "Little kids, little problems. Big kids, big problems." Take a look at the children around you - both the known and the unknown - and look at the behaviors you like and don't like.
For example, I don't want my kid to be like that screaming lunatic in Olive Garden, so I correct his public behavior in private before it becomes an issue and teach him how I want him to behave. My dad is always asking me why I'm so strict with the boy at the dinner table since no one is around to be bothered. Basically, if he acts right at home, he will act right in public. I, more often than not, get compliments at restaurants about how well behaved the boy is acting.
I realize this doesn't make me perfect and that I won't get nominations for mother of the year any time soon, but I work hard to do the right thing (whatever that is) to help my boy become an amazing man. Just as I'm judging someone on their crazy parenting decisions, I'm positive there is someone out there judging me on mine. I remind myself daily that it isn't wrong just because I don't agree with it. (Yes, that was a difficult statement to write out loud!) Different is different, not worse!
Blessed with a big mouth and a small enough filter where my boca grande gets me into trouble, I have found myself breaking my own cardinal rules about overstepping boundaries. I'm that ever so annoying parent that doesn't want a shred of advice about how you would do it but wants to tell you how it is and how it should be done. Now, before you close this post with a vow to never read my rantings again, understand that I KNOW this is wrong and am working on righting it.
The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, so I have vowed to be more aware of my annoying habits and correct them before they happen. No more correcting other people's children (unless they are about to get physically maimed) and no more expressing opinions when they aren't asked to be shared. (I'm learning the hard way that it is true what they say about opinions: they are like a-holes, everyone has one but no one wants to hear from yours!). I'm going to be a big girl and let every parent make their own mistakes with the expectation that they will let me make mine.
That being said (and here's the fun part!), I'm going to throw out a phrase my cousin often says (the one that has taught toddlers for 7 years and has all kinds of degrees and letters behind her name to back it up - I'll call her Miss Kim from now on), "Little kids, little problems. Big kids, big problems." Take a look at the children around you - both the known and the unknown - and look at the behaviors you like and don't like.
For example, I don't want my kid to be like that screaming lunatic in Olive Garden, so I correct his public behavior in private before it becomes an issue and teach him how I want him to behave. My dad is always asking me why I'm so strict with the boy at the dinner table since no one is around to be bothered. Basically, if he acts right at home, he will act right in public. I, more often than not, get compliments at restaurants about how well behaved the boy is acting.
I realize this doesn't make me perfect and that I won't get nominations for mother of the year any time soon, but I work hard to do the right thing (whatever that is) to help my boy become an amazing man. Just as I'm judging someone on their crazy parenting decisions, I'm positive there is someone out there judging me on mine. I remind myself daily that it isn't wrong just because I don't agree with it. (Yes, that was a difficult statement to write out loud!) Different is different, not worse!
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Fine Motor Skills My A...nkle
My infamous cousin, Miss Kim to you, only recently gave up her illustrious, 7-year child wrangling career to be a full-time, stay-at-home mommy. (She's the one that works(ed) at a prestigious preschool and has all kinds of degrees to back her authority up.) The old cliche (those things I gladly admit I usually butcher) that old habits die hard (take that, Miss Kim, I got it right!) was coined for her in this instance.
She has been after me... I mean gently encouraging me... for a while to start working with the monster on his fine motor skills. So, I bought a water table for the porch and some non-water items to fill it with. I have water, of course, to go in it on hot summer days, but I also purchased a boatload of beans and rice to help with his sensory development. [Side Note: his former daycare nearly amputated two of his fingertips, so the hand specialist recommended the same thing to stimulate the continuation of nerve regrowth.] The other day, I wanted to work on an invitation package that I plan to post to my Etsy store very soon, so I figured this was the perfect time to try out the beans.
I brought the water table in the house, cleaned it up, and stationed it in the open area behind my computer workspace. The monster danced around me, vibrating with excitement, as I poured in the beans and got him measuring cups then dove in with all the vigor he usually reserves for milk. Ah, blessed peace for hours while I focus on my work. I quickly snapped a picture to send to Miss Kim to prove how good a mommy I am then turned back to my work. Sigh. This is the life - work and play all at the same time!
Then I heard the sound of many (many) little beans hitting and bouncing (far) off the tile floor. Ugh. I stopped to help him pick them up then showed him how to keep his activities over the table to avoid spilling again. Yeah, great idea, Lis. That worked for all of 30 seconds. Then I had to stop again. And again. And again.
The texts to Miss Kim went from "Awww, isn't he cute?" to "Fine motor skills, my a$$. This crap is going everywhere and making me realize just how dirty my floor is!" to "I can't take any more of this crap. Even the towels I put down aren't stopping the flow of bouncing beans. It's time to clean up!!!" to "Is this [censored] supposed to develop my [censored] motor skills or his? I'll be picking up beans for months. I'm not even trying rice... or oatmeal... or wet flour. You're CRAZY!"
Hindsight being 20/20 (Ha, ha! I got that one right, too!), I probably shouldn't have expected him to play neatly without direct supervision AND I probably should have done it on the porch as originally planned so the mess wasn't an issue. Miss Kim 1, Mommy 0
She has been after me... I mean gently encouraging me... for a while to start working with the monster on his fine motor skills. So, I bought a water table for the porch and some non-water items to fill it with. I have water, of course, to go in it on hot summer days, but I also purchased a boatload of beans and rice to help with his sensory development. [Side Note: his former daycare nearly amputated two of his fingertips, so the hand specialist recommended the same thing to stimulate the continuation of nerve regrowth.] The other day, I wanted to work on an invitation package that I plan to post to my Etsy store very soon, so I figured this was the perfect time to try out the beans.
I brought the water table in the house, cleaned it up, and stationed it in the open area behind my computer workspace. The monster danced around me, vibrating with excitement, as I poured in the beans and got him measuring cups then dove in with all the vigor he usually reserves for milk. Ah, blessed peace for hours while I focus on my work. I quickly snapped a picture to send to Miss Kim to prove how good a mommy I am then turned back to my work. Sigh. This is the life - work and play all at the same time!
Then I heard the sound of many (many) little beans hitting and bouncing (far) off the tile floor. Ugh. I stopped to help him pick them up then showed him how to keep his activities over the table to avoid spilling again. Yeah, great idea, Lis. That worked for all of 30 seconds. Then I had to stop again. And again. And again.
The texts to Miss Kim went from "Awww, isn't he cute?" to "Fine motor skills, my a$$. This crap is going everywhere and making me realize just how dirty my floor is!" to "I can't take any more of this crap. Even the towels I put down aren't stopping the flow of bouncing beans. It's time to clean up!!!" to "Is this [censored] supposed to develop my [censored] motor skills or his? I'll be picking up beans for months. I'm not even trying rice... or oatmeal... or wet flour. You're CRAZY!"
Hindsight being 20/20 (Ha, ha! I got that one right, too!), I probably shouldn't have expected him to play neatly without direct supervision AND I probably should have done it on the porch as originally planned so the mess wasn't an issue. Miss Kim 1, Mommy 0
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