Seeing Past the Scars on Our Soul

I was recently reading a novel about breakups whose story was a bit on the stupid side but whose message was pretty profound.  It made me think.  Hard.  About why we do what we do during the relationship then feel the way we feel after the breakup.

Now, I will say that I have had a complete thought-process overhaul since my husband and I decided to divorce, but the epiphany I had at one point in this book is worth sharing.

Too often us women feel that we have to change certain behaviors inherent to our personalities in order to please the man that we are dating (or married).  It seems so silly when you see it written in black and white on this screen, but it is something hard programmed into our psyches and something we rarely actually think through.  We just do.

For example, I have a cousin going through a tough breakup that takes me back my own days of heartache.  The "why wasn't I enough?"s and the "what can I change about me to make him love me again?"s and the constant state of denial that the relationship has long-since been over.  I've been there.  Many times.  But here's (finally) what I realized:

Let's say that I was covered from head to toe with scars.  Big ones, little ones, disfiguring ones.  They are scars, so I can't do anything about them.  They are a part of me, but they don't define me.  And... I would never date a man who could only see those scars when he looks at me.  He wouldn't be good enough for me.  Period.

Every bad thing that happened to me has cut my soul.  Some cuts are small like paper cuts and heal without notice.  Others are huge, gaping, disfiguring scars that will be with me forever.  All of them tell a story of how I got to be me.

Now, my cousin pointed out that there's a difference between physical scars and emotional scars, but I disagree.  There's nothing we can do to change these scars.  They are with us whether we like them or not.  We can put Mederma on them, but it will only lessen the signs rather than obliterate it completely.  I feel the scars on our soul are worse because you can't see them at first glance.  You have to truly get to know us in order to see them.

So, why do we accept men that see those scars and won't accept us despite them or - staggering thought - help us to get past them?  They aren't good enough for us, yet we want them anyway because we have convinced ourselves that there is something wrong with us for having those scars!  Do we not think we deserve a man that helps heal those scars?

I now know that I am and won't settle for anything less.  And I hope you won't either!

Take Black Friday into the Red

I've seen a bunch of news broadcasts and Facebook posts about how sick it is that retail stores are starting their Black Friday sales on Thanksgiving.  What they don't seem to get is that this trend is the perfect example of supply and demand.  You know, the whole "if you build it, they will come" thing?

The economy is in the dumps (no matter what the high-paid experts are trying to tell us), and every store is doing their part to get their piece of the pie.  They are doing what they feel they need to do to get you out of your warm and toasty bed and into the zoo-like free for all that is their big sale.  It's natural, and it's not their fault.  But who's fault is it, you ask?  Ours.

We buy into it.  We want those deals so badly that we are willing to risk life and limb (sometimes literally) to get them.  If we weren't, the stores wouldn't pay the millions in overhead to open a store and pay their employees.  So, instead of signing a petition to stop "them", I suggest that you simply stay in bed and enjoy the family and life for which you just got done giving thanks.

If you do that, the stores will get the message loud and clear in millions of dollars in lost revenue and standard overhead, and their employees will also get to stay home and keep toasty.  Take Black Friday into the red!

But, let's get serious, it isn't going to happen.  People still want their bargains and will continue to flock to the earliest sales with the biggest discounts.  I'm just hoping it gets so bad that they start the huge sales on November 1st and take the shopping out of Thanksgiving and put the thanks back into Thanksgiving.

So, Happy Thanksgiving, y'all.  I give thanks for you... and won't be competing with anyone but my pillow on Black Friday.

I'm Not Afraid of Failure

I've been away from you for a while, and for that I'm sorry.  I've been trying my hardest to get things going with my art that I haven't left much brain power each day to write you.  I've had something on my mind lately that I'm ready to share, so hopefully this will inspire me to write more often.

I've failed at every aspect of my life but one (being a mother).  I lost my career.  I lost my house.  I lost my credit.  I lost my marriage.  I don't say that to for your pity or concern but to prove a point.  I'm not afraid of failure anymore.  Do you know that I've never been able to say that before?  I'm not afraid of failure!  I've already failed, so I have nothing to lose.

I'm creating art I've always wanted to create because I'm not afraid that I can't.  I'm selling that art on Etsy because I'm not afraid to list it; I may not be making anywhere near a paycheck, but people like my work enough to pay for it.  I'm not afraid to put myself out there because I've already failed and survived.  It wasn't easy and it wasn't fun, but I did it and I can do it again as many times as I need.

In the mean time, I'm showing my son what it's like to work hard for your dreams.  I'm showing myself that I can work hard.  Who knows if I'll fully achieve those dreams, but I'm not letting fear stop me from trying.